Recently, I have been really struggling in my Dari class. I am gifted at many things, but learning languages is not one of them. So, I have had to ask myself, what is Father trying to teach me in this struggle?
Partly, I think this is a reminder of my true identity. I left Germany with a pretty good sized ego, having come off my second deployment to Iraq not just successfully, but having had my mastery of my profession amply rewarded.
I needed to be reminded that I hold this position in life on His sufferance and by His strength and gifting of me. But, even those strengths and gifts are only a small part of who I really am.
Our church recently held a Sader dinner and I was visibly reminded of the servant leader nature of Jesus, His washing of feet, His admonition that the first should be last, His struggle in the garden. That is who I am to emulate, what is who I am being shaped to reflect.
So, failing at Dari despite 11 hour days sucks. No doubt about it, I am not yet sweating drops of blood, but I am definitely thoroughly miserable and disappointed in my lack of ability. Very similar to my disappointment in my complete lack of ability to learn even the basics of music, despite being married to a wonderful musician.
Whatever cup comes my way, I pray for the grace to accept it peacefully, and for the strength to rise to meet whatever challenge comes next. Most of all, I pray to remain true to who He says I am.