I have spent a lot of time in the last few days viewing real estate listings and drawing rough plans for how I would like our future homestead to look, the projects I would like to do, etc. And I have been calculating some of the monetary cost for these. The land, the equipment, the supplies, and the man hours involved and it wont be cheap.
I am in the enviable position that I don’t have to worry about money right now. I do very well as a Major, especially deployed. This has enabled us to help others and to pay off our debts and begin saving towards these goals.
But, this that I read on the Northumbria community daily Morning Prayer for 29 May 12 reminds me that even if I never am able to build the dream home I think I want what God provides will be sufficient for what He wants me to do. I CAN be content with that…and striving beyond it is the ultimate exercise in futility.
LADY POVERTY IN THE EYES OF JUNIPER, FRIEND OF FRANCIS, FOOL OF GOD
If I am truly poor, then I am dependent on others for everything, and I feel useless and worthless, and I realize deep within that everything is a gift from the Father. Then in this attitude of complete dependence, I become useful again, for then I am empty of selfishness and I am free to be God’s instrument instead of my own. In poverty I begin to value everything rightly again. I see how little really matters, and I see that only that which glorifies God is of value.
I write these words in pain, Lady Poverty, for I have wept bitter tears because I was poor and had to beg from others, and I felt like a burden to people and to God … And I have grown weary of Christ’s words not to worry about tomorrow. But in His grace I have surrendered to God’s sovereignty and providence, and it has made me free …
Lady Poverty, I love you. You, my Lady, take all the sting from being poor. In your embrace I am rich indeed, for I have someone to love. I have you. Perhaps, my Lady, that is why I keep submitting, surrendering my desire to control my life, my need to provide for the future. You have stolen my heart and made me happy, and your love makes up for all the pain that loving you involves … and we know it is all worthwhile because when we look into your eyes, we see Christ Himself.