This is a theme that keeps coming up for me. I read the amusing anecdote below and, initially, I heartily agreed. It tickled my fancy, I found myself able to identify with it and it validated my own perceptions. And then I thought about it.
After reading this you may consider yourself properly educated.
History… a condensed version:
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1 . Liberals
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That’s how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ’s and doing the sewing , fetching, and hair dressing . This was the beginning of the Liberal movement .
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. They became known as girlie-men. Some note worthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the
largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. Tofu and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men.
Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn’t fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Canadian.
They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots, and generally anyone who works productively.
Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today’s lesson in world history.
It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers, and to more liberals just to piss them off.
And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self.
I’m going to have another beer.
You see, I am less and less convinced I am a Conservative at all, and more and more convinced I am a libertarian (small L). And there are certain Truths I have come to accept, such as; the none aggression principal, the fundamental rights of persons to be secure in their property and their person, the superior efficacy of the free-market, the idea that all tax is a form of aggression against those rights. In order to be consistent, then, with my beliefs I cannot accept all the premises of the anecdote.
The stereotypes are easy for me to identify with, though I prefer German or Irish beer, Bud is nothing more than horse piss. And there is the rub. Not the beer so much, but the fact that as neither Liberal nor Conservative, I am learning to live with the dichotomy of being a bit of both. I am a warrior. By the time I get back from this deployment, I will have 3 years in a combat zone. And I am not a REMF, I led a Scout Platoon and an Armor Company in combat. By almost every definition of guys guy, with the exception that I find organized sports mind-numbingly boring, I am the Conservative Guy in the anecdote. And that, I think, is why big parts of me identifies with it and finds it amusing. But life is never as simple as cliché. I also collect tea pots. I love quiche. I will go out of my way to listen to classical music or opera. And, if someone else finds fulfillment as a male hairdresser and spending their evenings in the Goth club scene, more power to them. You see, I no longer think it’s any of my damn business. I remain ever ready to explain my own choices and the source of my personal peace, but I no longer feel it necessary to try to change anyone else except by example and loving kindness. I don’t need to rub their face in my disapproval of their lifestyle.
I think the anecdote has a fair measure of truth. All stereotypes do, that is why they exist. But the devil is in the details.